


All I want to do is forget you

by Rarlandcarjamin



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, sappy mess, seungkwan is trying his best to forget, seungkwan wants to move on, seungkwan writes a letter to vernon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-03-28 01:56:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13893789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rarlandcarjamin/pseuds/Rarlandcarjamin
Summary: Seungkwan writes a letter to Vernon that he'll never send. Vernon has effected Seungkwan's life in a way he'll never know, and all Seungkwan wants to do is forget him completely.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. Sorry if this is messy and just a jumble of things that make no sense. Um, this was based on my life atm...comments are highly appreciated on this one

_ Dear Vernon, _

 

_ I originally did not want to write this.  _

 

_ I mean, you’ll never see this so whatever.  _

 

_ I thought it would make me think about you more than I normally do when I’m trying my best to forget, but maybe writing down my thoughts and getting them all out will help me move on. _

 

_ You see, I can’t go one day without thinking about you. I have no idea why.  _

 

_ It’s been so long since I last saw you. _

 

_ I guess it’s because it’s hard to forget someone who you cared about so much. It makes sense.  _

 

_ I can’t even listen to a song without it reminding me of you. I want to listen to music again! _

 

_ From the moment I saw you when we were younger, I was entranced by your beauty. You were so handsome, the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. I sat for a while thinking if a word existed that meant something was high above perfect because that’s the word I’d use to describe you. Perfect didn’t do you justice.  _

 

_ From then on, you just became my world.  _

 

_ We were part of a group outside of school, and because of this, I could only see you a limited number of times a year. In all honesty, I only went because of you. I would spend my days waiting and waiting until I could see you again. It didn’t matter if I waited six months to see you for three hours, It was always worth it.  _

 

_ When I look back, what was it all for? Just because you were so cool, funny, handsome and the sweetest person I’ve ever met you basically controlled my life? _

 

_ I managed to talk to you only a few times, which left my heart racing, hands sweaty, and mind racing. _

 

_ Again, under those circumstances, I did not see you for months and months. I thought there was no hope, that it was all over. _

 

_ Until it wasn’t. _

 

_ We ended up going to the amusement park together because it was organized by the group we both went to. Just you, two other people, and I were in a group. It was probably the best day of my life. We went on every ride together and I got to know you better. It felt like a dream come true. It only made me fall harder. Although, after that, everything changed. _

 

_ I remember that same day you told me you weren’t going to the same high school as me. It’s pretty cringe, but it was the only reason I even wanted to go to high school. _

 

_ What’s even more depressing was the bus ride home from the amusement park. I sat across the bus aisle from you, and I remember just crying to myself while you slept. I think I cried the whole way home, because, I knew after I got off the bus, you’d be gone. I knew. You weren’t going to the same school, so when was I supposed to see you again? _

 

_ To this day, I haven’t seen you since. I was right. The group basically fell apart, and here we are.  _

 

_ That didn’t mean I gave up trying to keep in contact with you, of course not. I had your social media. I messaged you, but you were horrible at texting. It was basically a one-sided game of twenty questions, but did that stop me? No. _

 

_ I remember my new school and the one you ended up going to were playing each other in a football game. I hate sports, but it was the best excuse I had. I invited you to come, so we could watch the game together.  _

 

_ You said you’d come, but you didn’t. My heart was racing the whole time, watching the gates to see if you were coming, but you never did. You made up some lame excuse, saying you were sorry when I confronted you. _

 

_ By the way, none of my friends approved of you. They told me you were a waste of time. I didn’t want to believe them, but you couldn’t even text me back within a few days, and when you did it was a one-word answer. _

 

_ I really lost hope. I didn’t want to, because I had liked you for years, and I wasn’t about to let some discouraging comments make me stop. Had I cried for two hours straight when I was home alone because a song reminded me of you, for nothing? _

 

_ Now all I want to do is forget you. When I lay awake at night, I say you ruined my life. You were chosen to be brought into my life for some reason, but many times I’ve wished you weren’t. I’ve wondered if it would be better or worse if I had the opportunity to take memory loss pills. You’ve affected my life so much, and you’ll never ever know.  _

 

_ I don’t even think I’ve described my feelings well enough for you to understand, but just know I would have taken a bullet for you. I wanted to give you everything in the world. I didn’t treat you like a normal person because in my eyes you were a king. _

 

_ It’s been hard, not seeing you, but I believe it’s for the better. Fate decided that you weren’t the one for me, and I’m fine with that now.  _

 

_ There’s someone else now, but I’m afraid I only have feelings for them because they’re second best. After you. My heart tells me nobody will ever be as good as you. As ethereal as you. That the people I have feelings for in the future are just my second option because you’re not there.  _

 

_ That’s the reason I’m writing this. _

 

_ I know you don’t think about me, ever, but I think about you every day.  _

 

_ When I’m in a relationship, I don’t want to be thinking of you. I don’t want to imagine that it’s you I’m holding hands with. You who I’m kissing. I want you to be gone. Forever. It hurts to think that I cared about you so much and that I talked about you non-stop to all my friends for years, and you’ll never know. I was just...not even a friend to you. We weren’t really at that stage.  _

 

_ If that group ever has another get together, I won’t be there. I know that if I see you, all of those feelings will come rushing back. I’ve worked so hard to try to forget you, I won’t go back. I won’t. I can’t.  _

 

_ Sometimes I stare at a wall and wonder if I’ll ever truly forget you. I want to, so badly, but you were too special. I wonder if you’ll be on my mind forever and if I’m going to be suffering while you have no clue what you’ve done to me. _

 

_ That’s why I wrote this, Vernon. So I could get all of my feelings out, for good. So I could move forward and get on with my life. The more time we’re apart, the better it gets. I’m so close to moving on. _

 

_ I’ve been thinking lately, what was the big deal about you anyway? Why did I make such a big fuss over you?  _

 

_ Wanna know something?  _

 

_ I couldn’t really think of a good enough reason. Imagine that! _

 

_ I’ve spent years fawning over you for so long, and I can’t even think of a reason why I did. Maybe because you were so beautiful, but I know I wasn’t lusting after you. I truly cared about you. Maybe it was because we were alike in some ways, I don’t know.  _

 

_ If you were to ask me out now, I would say no. I’ve realized that we’re not as compatible as I’d thought a while ago. _

 

_ I don’t think that you ruined my life, I just think this all happened for a reason. For what reason, I’m not sure of. _

 

_ All I know is, you’re not the one, and I will forget about you someday. I will move on, but I’m still working on it. _

 

_ At times, I thought that all of this was love. That I was in love with you. That it was the only explanation for all of my strange feelings. Something kept me from believing it, though. Love isn’t supposed to be like that, but what do I know, maybe it is.  _

 

_ All I know is that I deeply cared about you, and now I need to let it go. I want to say goodbye. Goodbye to you, and all of my stupid feelings I had for you. There’s just one thing stopping me that I haven’t mentioned.  _

 

_ Your older brother goes to my school. When I see him, I think of you, and I see him every single day. Needless to say, I can’t wait until he graduates this year. Then he’ll be gone, and hopefully, the thought of you will be too. I just want to move forward, that’s all I want. That’s it.  _

 

_ I know you’ll never read this, and even if you did you wouldn’t be able to, but please. _

 

_ Get out of my head.  _

 

_ Leave me alone.  _

 

_ I beg of you.  _

 

_ Please.  _

 

_ Please. _

 

_ Please, Vernon.  _


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Vernon,_

 

_Wow._

 

_That letter I wrote not too long ago has actually helped me more than I thought. Huh._

 

_I was wrong, I don't want to forget you. If I forgot you ever existed, I wouldn't have any good memories. Which means, I won't ever forget you, but at least I'm over you._

 

_Totally. Over. You._

 

_I finally did it. I never thought the day would come when I would move on, but I did, so suck it!_

 

_You know how last time I mentioned your brother?_

 

_Well, yeah, he's still graduating. I can't change that. I was actually glad he was going to be gone in a few months._

 

_But not anymore. I feel like since I had such a strong connection to the both of you (even though I had a crush on you alone) I have to work on getting over him now. It's like one down, which is you, and one more down to go. Then I can start living?_

_The thing is, I was so excited to get you go and forget about you, that now the last piece of the past (your brother) will be gone. And, as silly as it sounds, I don't want to let go._

 

_I want to get past this phase in life and stop crying over not you, but your brother. I want to stop crying. I didn't mean to have a breakdown at the mall. I didn't mean to start sobbing at midnight when I was the only one awake._

 

_Sometimes I lay awake and ponder about what if I never met you or your brother? If when I went to high school he was just another face in the hall that I thought nothing of. I believe in destiny, but I don't know why this happened? What lesson am I supposed to learn from this?_

 

_Anyway, soon I'll talk to your brother. Soon. Before he and you are gone forever._

 

_I won't say goodbye. I won't because it's not goodbye. Well, maybe it is, but I won't say it._

 

_I think about how the days got further and further apart since I last saw you. How the days turned into weeks, the weeks into months, and...next month will be a year. I don't even remember what you look like. Maybe that's a good thing._

 

_It's only a few months until I have to part with my past, and you. Maybe it's for the better. I think so._

 

_That doesn't mean I won't be upset. Cry some more. But what's new._

 

_\- Seungkan._


End file.
